A Tribute To My Mother
Practicing Presence with Our Memories
Today marks the 16th year that she left us. I woke up thinking of her and laughing, yet wishing I could just have a conversation about her perspective on the world today. I share her presence with you today. But first….
The Prompts
The 28 days of prompts (maybe more), continues to be in the works. I really did believe that I could do it in the month of February, but it will definitely take much longer than that at the rate I am going. And I am ok with that ,as it is a valuable experience for me, and I want it to be extraordinary for you. It is not as easy as I thought as my goal is to distill complex theories into chewable bites that I communicate across to you very well.
Also, my Compassionate Atlanta schedule has been very full with travel and programming. And it is such good stuff. Check this out if you are in the Atlanta area.
And I have a personal confession. I am committed to breaking my habit of waking up around 8 am and rushing out the door and being at least 10 minutes late for everything. I want to wake up early, and as a morning person, dedicate the first couple of hours of the day to my writing while my brain is at her optimum level! So yeah, that. I am a morning person, but I have been going to bed later and later. I have to reset my bedtime routine so I can wake up early!!!! I miss my mornings.
Back to My Wonderful Mother
I loved to torture my mother.
She was so chill most times and I just enjoyed getting her roiled up. As a teenager, I gave her HELL. I still repent over it. Now, I just shake my head when I remember, slightly grateful that I do not have my own kids to do the same to me. I was a hellion of a teenager.
I think I felt her head was in the clouds and that she was so smart and thinking lofty thoughts all the time, so of course, it was my personal mission to bring her down to earth. Why? To pay me some attention of course, as I was the only kid at home at this point.
Let me share today's memory with you. I was in now in my 30's and not that much had changed as I still enjoyed getting her roiled up. I went to see her in Boston where she lived with my sister. After a couple of days, I got bored, and decided to revisit my mastery of parental aggravation.
Me: Mummy, I want to tell you about my new boyfriend.
Her: harumph Really?
She is one or two glasses into her sherry and her glasses are hanging around her neck. She closes one eye, cocks the eyebrow of the open eye up and looks at me impassively. She and daddy had this agreement that they would never interfere in the love lives of their children.
Me: Yes, and I like him a lot. There's only one problem.
Mummy: And what is that?
Me: He's Chinese.
Mummy, with a spark of interest: And ??????
Suddenly, both eyes open, she looks at me directly with those sharp green eyes, and then put on her glasses.
Ooops. It is getting serious.
Me: He wants me to move to China with him.
Mummy, instantly almost hysterical: What???? No, no, no, no, no. You are NOT moving to China!
Her face crumples into a frown of incredulousness. She grows a little red faced and waves her finger at me. She is no longer Ms. My-Lofty-Head-Is-In-The Sky-And-I-Am-Totally-Chill. She was now Mrs-Mama-Bear-Hear-Me-Roar.
Me, cheekily, secretly thrilled that she is aggravated: Why not?
I now cock one eye back at her and lean closer to her, but dare not take off my glasses. I mean, I can only be annoying, but certainly not rude!!!
Mummy: Who do you know in China? You cannot just go trapezing around the world because of a man. You are serious woman, and you have your own life. For God's sake, you are a lawyer!
She broke her and my father's commitment about no meddling in those affairs of the heart of their children. Triumph!!!!
Points: Iyabo 1 - Mummy O.
Me: What do you mean? You fell in love with a Nigerian man and moved to his country with him when there was no internet to even research it.
Mummy, in a more somber tone: That was different. Those were different times.
Me, needing to put salt in a wound: And what year was that? Nineteen Forty what?????
Points: Iyabo 2 - Mummy still O
Mummy, in an attempt to regain her placidity: Get your dates right. That was 1952. And we went to England first, and your father worked for six months for the ship fare to Lagos. Do you remember this story?
Me, tenaciously: Don't change the subject. You lived in Nigeria for thirty umpteen years, and you have an issue with China?
Mummy: It is too far away, and we do not know anybody there!
Me, cockily and hands now on hips: But you sent me here to the US when I was sixteen, and I was alone.
Points: Iyabo 3 - Mummy still O.
Mummy, conciliatorily: No. Your sister was here, and we knew people here, and it was for your education. Not for a man!
Me as a well-trained lawyer who does not know how to leave an argument alone: So, is the issue that this is about a man?
Points: Iyabo 4 - Mummy still O.
I think I am so smart.
Mummy, knowing her daughter feared the invocation of her father's name: Your father and I would not like you to move to China as we do not know anyone there.
Points: Iyabo 4 - Mummy 5!!!!
Big points for invoking my father.
Me: I have not discussed it with my father. How do you know what he would say?
Mummy, clucking her tongue like a chicken, yes, a chicken: I can speak for your father as his wife and your mother. You will not be able to speak for that Chinese man in his own country. How are you going to now master Mandarin or Cantonese or another language at your age?
Points: Iyabo 4 - Mummy 10!
Me, bursting with laugher: Why not?
Mummy: There is a lot of talk of racism in China, but if you guys live here in the states, you will be fine. I worry about the safety of you girls.
Me, heart bursting with joy at her love: Mummy, don't worry. There is no Chinese man in my life. I was just pulling your leg.
Mummy, with a second chicken cluck: You are not serious. Of course there is no Chinese man.
Points: Iyabo 4 - Mummy 10! Mummy wins.
Another visit, another year
Me: Mummy, there is something I want to tell you.
Mummy: What is it now?
Me: Mummy, I am gay.
Mummy, with another chicken cluck: Shut up. You are not gay. You like men too much!
Points: TKO!!! Iyabo 0 - Mummy 100!!!!
Me: But what if I were gay?
Mummy: I don't care if you are gay or not. But you are just not gay. So why are you trying to aggravate me?
The two of us burst out laughing.
Fool Mummy once, shame on her. Fool her twice, shame on you!
Mummy, I miss you so much. It has been 16 years today and it feels like yesterday. You feel so present to me. ♥️🥰💋💋💋💋. Thank you for being an amazing Mom.
What a great mom! And relationship.