Crystalizing Priorities

My Wintering Ritual

I have an end of year/beginning of year unconscious ritual that became a "Eureka" moment for me last year. This has been my pattern for umpteen years, unknown to me.

From Thanksgiving, I flow in deep rivers of gratitude as I am usually with family, and that makes my heart feel so tender and soft. I am transported to my childhood where innocence and trust in a benevolent world permeated my life. I felt reasonably safe, and it is a lovely somatic experience to feel ensconced in that innocence and assurance of life again.

Those vibes flow with me into Christmas, another wonderful positive time of the year. Christmas is a deeply spiritual time for me as I reflect on my faith, how the whole world acknowledges, one way or the other, our access to "The Mysterium Tremendum," the Tremendous Mystery that we call God and the incarnation of this Divine Creator in the body of Jesus. It is such a humbling time for me. I usually enjoy friends and my community of faith at this time of the year.

For New Year's, I am not a party person at all. I love a good planner, so I spend endless hours looking for one online the week before the New Year and then I spend an inordinate amount of time, planning for my business and writing down my hopes and expectations for the upcoming year. I also clean a lot! 🤪 Go figure. Lots of drawers, cabinets, nooks, and crannies, etc.

Then, by January 2nd, I take off like a cannon. There is nothing like that feeling of a brand spanking new year. It is kind of like a brand-new journal - you can write anything in it. It does not feel tainted by the old. And after a few days, I settle into the year.

Just a Holy Picture I found online that I love. I cannot find the attribution. Not mine.

Then I have a birthday.

This is when my vibe changes every year. Towards the end of January, as I contemplate my birthday, I become reflective over the past year:

• Where was I this time last year?

• What did I want?

• What did I do?

• OMG!

• I am getting old!

• My body hurts!

• O boy!

• Is this where I want to be?

• When will I die?

• How old do I want to be when I die?

• Will I die a good death?

• Will I feel that I have lived a full life?

• What do I need to do that is undone?

• I am old.

I know!

I know!!

I know!!!

It really does get morbid for me.

All the regrets of my life, flood me.

If you asked me when I was much younger, where would I be at this time of my life, I would have told you - married to Mr. Absolutely Amazing and giddily happy, the most delightful children on the planet, locked into my legal profession in a steady, financially stable way, happy, content, accomplished, peaceful and proud of my family.

Well, today, it is more like this: married to Mr. Absolutely Amazing and giddily happy, the most delightful children on the planet, locked into my legal profession in a steady, financially stable way, happy, content, accomplished, peaceful and proud of my family (at this point - my siblings and niece and nephew!).

And now, let's add: writing, public speaking, creating workshops, seeking new opportunities for my work, still looking for my solid footing between my theological, writing and consulting world (its coming, I am not worried. It is a process), and enjoying the best job on the planet at Compassionate Atlanta.

Know that I NEVER envisioned working for anyone at all. I could only imagine working for myself! Ha!

Back to "I am old." This is not a "bad" thing. In my culture, we revere our elders. I like being "almost" an elder. I just do not have enough gray hair yet. The problem is that when I was a teenager/young adult, I thought people my age were beyond "ancient." And now, I am at that stage.

Judgment is a vicious cycle!

It does feel like time is running out.

I want a lot more time -

-to savor the deliciousness of life,

-the soothing sounds of more beaches and babbling brooks as background noises to loving and affirming words,

-inspiring sights of beauty and awe, smells of home cooked meals, lavender candles and cleanness, and

-touching a a new baby's smooth chunky thighs, the caress of the lover, and the rhythmic strokes on my scalp as the bristles of a hairbrush soothes my head.

And right now, the only time I have, is right now, right in this moment.

These are the things that remind me that I live inside a body and this body matters regardless of age, gender, skin color, or any other categorizing distinction.

And..... I have a responsibility to this body, this life, this incarnation, these giftings within me, and the calling I know that is on my life.

This is my wintering process that always helps me crystalize my priorities and connect to the joy that is ever present in my life.

So, for me, I am excited as I look forward to deepening my work, my calling, in 2023.

I hope you will continue to support me and love on me as you have been and please, know this, I am deeply grateful for you, especially those paying subscribers who have agreed to come alongside me on this journey.

How are you crystalizing your priorities, Dear Reader? I want to know.