The Pause...

What else can I do?

Friends that are paid subscribers, supporting my writing, I have paused all payments. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I have not been writing consistently and, therefore, I am suspending payments as that is the right thing to do. I have toyed with the idea for a few months and each time I go to pause the payments, I convince myself that I will start writing again.

Sigh.

I paused it today.

I have been consulting and traveling quite a bit and my bandwidth has not been good. I have started so many posts but have not finished them. I think I want to focus on just making them shorter and more casual rather than longer, deeper thought-out pieces.

What I do know about myself is this: When I am going for walks AND writing regularly, it means I am in thriving mode and not survival mode. Therefore, writing regularly will always be a barometer that I am striving towards. Consistent writing is also an indication that I am healthy, balancing action and being out there in the world with introspection and the solitude that writing requires.

It is amazing all the emotions that go into writing, or rather, not writing.

As I type this, I realize that I feel embarrassed that I chose to pause the subscriptions. That is interesting. O, is that what it is, public failure? Ha! Not. That is not a public failure. That is integrity - a little late - but still integrity. Doing the right thing to people who actually care about me and my writing.

Thanks for listening in on that conversation. As you can see, I talk to myself, and I respond too!

I don’t want to apologize for not writing, again. I have already done that. I don’t like when people give me excuses, they feel flat to me. So I do not want to give any. But I am grateful that I have subscribers, paid and unpaid, and that folks have been sliding into my DMs asking me why I am not writing and that they miss my writing.

But instead of prioritizing a daily practice of writing, here are some of the things that have taken up my bandwidth:

1. My writing classes with Gateless and Suzanne Kingsbury. I am working on some sort of biographical stuff about my parents and their lives, growing up in Nigeria, and what it means to be bi-racial and multi-cultural to me. It is heavy, and slow writing. I am not sure what I will ever do with it. I hope to publish one day but it is more of an internal journey than I would ever have imagined.

2. 100 days of walking for an hour a day (or so.) June, July, August. I have never done that in my life. It took so much out of me. But I want to be that person who just does intentional movement daily as part of my life - like breathing. I am truly proud of myself for this. When it was super hot, it zapped everything in me, but I got used to it and discovered new trails like the one below that I never knew existed.

   

3. I have listened to the most amazing audiobooks on these walks. You will hear more about them, my thoughts about writing, and the value of storytelling. Talk about catching up with my reading!

4. I got a horrible cold that knocked me off my kilter after going to 4 cities in 2 weeks. It abruptly ended my walking streak and so I started again. It is so easy to fall off the bandwagon.

5. I am doing a different type of consulting work - really it is more like a second job - and I love it. It uses the more analytical side of my brain. Can’t say much about it but I am deeply grateful for this opportunity and expansion vocationally. I certainly live in interesting times.

6. Compassionate Atlanta - where I am Co-Director - is still the best job on the planet. We just concluded CompassionCon 2023 - an outdoor community-building festival that took up everything in me. I am not an event planner. Volunteers are special people and I depend on them and love them. So cool. Sorry to overwhelm you with pictures. I cannot help it.

   

   Leanne, my Co-Director at Compassionate Atlanta, and I, relieved and tired but smiling.

   

   

   

   

   

   

7. I am planning a trip to Ireland in a few weeks with family. OMG. I am so excited. I think I am already all packed. I am trying to travel light - something I do not comprehend. Dublin and County Galway. This is for me to explore my mother’s heritage. I am obsessed with reading about Ireland online. So I will get one thing off my bucket list - See The Book of Kells! O boy! Next, Vatican City - but not the regular tours, a private, quiet, historical tour with a learned docent. I want it to feel like school. LOL. Maybe one day soon.

   I did it. I wrote. I posted. Thank you for reading. I really do not take you for granted. Peace! I am grateful for you.