Iyabo- thank you for sharing this. At University (undergraduate) I was in a marketing class and I was put in a group with three young women who were from the Middle East. For the life of me I could not tell these three girls apart from one another. One day I called one by the wrong name, and admitted how challenging it was to tell them apart. She beamed back at me and told me she couldn’t tell white people apart!! Honestly it offended me (oh the ignorance of youth) however I worked extra hard to differentiate and remember the brown students’ names from them on. Interestingly, when we lived in Zambia, I didn’t struggle with this at all. Thank you for sharing your heart and opening the conversation!!
I have sat with this question Iyabo. Brought it with me to the supermarket, mall ... to a sports dropoff. Watched myself. The short answer is yes. But the reason I've sat with it is that I have a hard time distinguishing people in my predominantly white community as well. So as I was watching myself trying to understand why am I able to know certain people so well - as individuals - and not others I think its race + culture. Or maybe "other-ness." Growing up I had two black friends - M, who came from Barbados and T, who was American. They each lived in a different parts of our town. M's neighbors were from Barbados and Trinidad. They were open-hearted and gregarious and easily engaged with me. Although we were different on so many levels I never felt "other" from them the way I did with T's neighbors who were Black Americans. Because I felt "other" i think mentally everyone got grouped together and became indistinguishable. I didn't understand at that age what I've come to understand now at this late time in life - what it was like to be Black American. How T's neighbors experienced me as a white girl. The nuances of the people in M's neighborhood were easier to distinguish because I didn't feel like "other" and so I established 1:1 relationship to each. But its not just race... There is a group of white women here in the town I live- they wear the same lulu lemon clothes, go to the same gym, all have long brown hair that is blown out, make up all the time and I cannot tell them apart. Ever. I also feel very much "other" to them. So this inability to distinguish differences seems to be a defense mechanism I have when I feel "other".
I worked in a predominately black community a few years ago for the first time in my life. After a year or so I thought I was developing face blindness. Chuck Close, the painter, had it. I also thought it might be my age. At some point I realized it was simply not having ever been exposed to so many black faces. Don't misunderstand. I felt extremely fortunate to finally be in a place where I was exposed to lots of People of Color day after day. I've been a white southern female for a very long time. Therefore, around black people but largely segregated from them. When I realized what was happening I began to really pay attention when I met new people in the community. I began to look more carefully at shapes and nuances of color, particularly of faces. I have made a lot of progress. But, sadly, I'm in a situation again where I am mostly exposed to white people like me. I appreciate hearing the other side of this because, of course, I was hesitant to ever admit this to anyone.
Iyabo- thank you for sharing this. At University (undergraduate) I was in a marketing class and I was put in a group with three young women who were from the Middle East. For the life of me I could not tell these three girls apart from one another. One day I called one by the wrong name, and admitted how challenging it was to tell them apart. She beamed back at me and told me she couldn’t tell white people apart!! Honestly it offended me (oh the ignorance of youth) however I worked extra hard to differentiate and remember the brown students’ names from them on. Interestingly, when we lived in Zambia, I didn’t struggle with this at all. Thank you for sharing your heart and opening the conversation!!
I have sat with this question Iyabo. Brought it with me to the supermarket, mall ... to a sports dropoff. Watched myself. The short answer is yes. But the reason I've sat with it is that I have a hard time distinguishing people in my predominantly white community as well. So as I was watching myself trying to understand why am I able to know certain people so well - as individuals - and not others I think its race + culture. Or maybe "other-ness." Growing up I had two black friends - M, who came from Barbados and T, who was American. They each lived in a different parts of our town. M's neighbors were from Barbados and Trinidad. They were open-hearted and gregarious and easily engaged with me. Although we were different on so many levels I never felt "other" from them the way I did with T's neighbors who were Black Americans. Because I felt "other" i think mentally everyone got grouped together and became indistinguishable. I didn't understand at that age what I've come to understand now at this late time in life - what it was like to be Black American. How T's neighbors experienced me as a white girl. The nuances of the people in M's neighborhood were easier to distinguish because I didn't feel like "other" and so I established 1:1 relationship to each. But its not just race... There is a group of white women here in the town I live- they wear the same lulu lemon clothes, go to the same gym, all have long brown hair that is blown out, make up all the time and I cannot tell them apart. Ever. I also feel very much "other" to them. So this inability to distinguish differences seems to be a defense mechanism I have when I feel "other".
I worked in a predominately black community a few years ago for the first time in my life. After a year or so I thought I was developing face blindness. Chuck Close, the painter, had it. I also thought it might be my age. At some point I realized it was simply not having ever been exposed to so many black faces. Don't misunderstand. I felt extremely fortunate to finally be in a place where I was exposed to lots of People of Color day after day. I've been a white southern female for a very long time. Therefore, around black people but largely segregated from them. When I realized what was happening I began to really pay attention when I met new people in the community. I began to look more carefully at shapes and nuances of color, particularly of faces. I have made a lot of progress. But, sadly, I'm in a situation again where I am mostly exposed to white people like me. I appreciate hearing the other side of this because, of course, I was hesitant to ever admit this to anyone.