So, in my unscientific observation, a lot of us INFJ's are neurodivergent (hyperverbal autistic and or ADHD aka "AuDHD") folks, many high masking and passing. As such, we come from backgrounds that lend to the drive for perfectionism also. (Trauma driven, struggling to fit in, so many of us strive to rise above or stand out any way we can if we can, especially academically, especially if our parents were also high achievers/academics.) In addition to the drivers you named.
You added a couple of important ways you as an immigrant Black woman and daughter of smart educators now living in the US have felt driven to rise above and excel, just to have a seat at the table as you said. Almost a cultural Imposter Syndrome.
But, as a recovering INFJ, I encourage dropping/reducing the "J". (I live somewhere in the middle now.)
Think about it. Do you want to be a Judgy McJudge Face as some of us were (and maybe still are) and constantly pointing out other's small errors and typos and grammar, including your own?
Or would you like to enjoy life a little more, allow folks to be themselves, without taking on their issues as your own or constantly critiquing things? Bonus: you get more done when you're less critical.
Sure, strive your best, but don't push too hard. I'm slowly steadily demoting my "J" and it feels good. I'm starting to live and let live - and allow folks to be who they are, not who I think they should be. Including myself.
I hope you can continue to forgive yourself for not making all of your high standards. By all means, set goals and have dreams. But just don't beat yourself up for not always achieving them. Nor talk trash about yourself if you don't either. That lends to everyone feeling bad for doing even less than you. (There's that toxic Imposter Syndrome again.) Which is a lose lose IMHO.
We are human beings, not human doings. (I remind myself daily.) You're allowed to just be sometimes.
PS True confession: I have a perpetual case of dishes in my sink. There, I'm human. Shoot me. ;)
So, in my unscientific observation, a lot of us INFJ's are neurodivergent (hyperverbal autistic and or ADHD aka "AuDHD") folks, many high masking and passing. As such, we come from backgrounds that lend to the drive for perfectionism also. (Trauma driven, struggling to fit in, so many of us strive to rise above or stand out any way we can if we can, especially academically, especially if our parents were also high achievers/academics.) In addition to the drivers you named.
You added a couple of important ways you as an immigrant Black woman and daughter of smart educators now living in the US have felt driven to rise above and excel, just to have a seat at the table as you said. Almost a cultural Imposter Syndrome.
But, as a recovering INFJ, I encourage dropping/reducing the "J". (I live somewhere in the middle now.)
Think about it. Do you want to be a Judgy McJudge Face as some of us were (and maybe still are) and constantly pointing out other's small errors and typos and grammar, including your own?
Or would you like to enjoy life a little more, allow folks to be themselves, without taking on their issues as your own or constantly critiquing things? Bonus: you get more done when you're less critical.
Sure, strive your best, but don't push too hard. I'm slowly steadily demoting my "J" and it feels good. I'm starting to live and let live - and allow folks to be who they are, not who I think they should be. Including myself.
I hope you can continue to forgive yourself for not making all of your high standards. By all means, set goals and have dreams. But just don't beat yourself up for not always achieving them. Nor talk trash about yourself if you don't either. That lends to everyone feeling bad for doing even less than you. (There's that toxic Imposter Syndrome again.) Which is a lose lose IMHO.
We are human beings, not human doings. (I remind myself daily.) You're allowed to just be sometimes.
PS True confession: I have a perpetual case of dishes in my sink. There, I'm human. Shoot me. ;)